wake up for @ positive kat

Celebrating her 8th with
rainy day fun at Playland. :)

It's been almost two months since my exciting hospital experience and for the most part I'm feeling fine. Would love more days with no head pain, but otherwise all my focus on stress reduction and a health first attitude has gone well for me so far.

For a few weeks it was hard to shake the feeling of being a walking time bomb. I have kind of felt that way at times in the past (potential for blood clotting, pituitary lesion, messed up kidneys, etc...crap, that makes me feel old when I list ailments that way! gotta remember I'm healthy in many ways too, lol) but last month made it feel really, really REAL.

Every task had me thinking "is it safe to do this?" or "is this gonna be the day something explodes inside?" and I was afraid of everything. Not a lot. Just enough that deep breathing was something I was doing constantly to calm down. Ok, a lot. Enough time has now passed, and clearly I'm still here, so the edge has come off those feelings for the most part.

I would say the emotional toll of the experience was really what I have been recovering from. Every hug shared with me as I got out and about again was a "thankful you're alive" kind of hug, which had me grateful that so many people care about me, and upset that so many people were so worried about me.

I still get weepy at times, especially when people ask about the things I don't have answers to. Friends and family (like sister-in-law who's a doctor) have given me a list of questions for when I get to see a neurologist who can answer them. (Like: "is there a chance there was bleeding on the brain in my explosion headache, but the blood was absorbed over 5 weeks between the pain and the scans?"; and: "what are they gonna do with those things so they don't rupture on you one day?")

The wait to see another neurologist is almost over though. When I was in hospital, the neurosurgeon, neurologist and my family doctor were all referring me to a neurologist that specializes in aneurysms and post concussive issues. Turns out he's not taking new patients (though they may still try to get me in one day). Plan B was to see the neurologist who I saw back when the lesion on my pituitary was found, but she's not able to see me until like November. When I said it would significantly reduce my stress and concern if I could see someone sooner, plus my doc is worried that the pains in my head are still there, so I was then referred to another guy who was able to see me June 26 (the day before my birthday so was hoping for the gift of good news)...but when he saw my file he figured it was a waste of time to see him and he referred me to a neurologist in the Stroke Prevention clinic. And I will see this doc tomorrow! Funny how my waits seem to go from long-way-in-the-future to NOW.

This whole experience has amplified my gratitude for every day. Truly a wake up call that has had me feeling like I'd been given a second chance with life, even though I didn't almost die. (Totally a weird feeling to be honest.) Lying in a hospital bed for 2 days, waiting for a potential brain surgery that may or may not: a) kill me, b) leave me brain damaged, c) have me recovering for up to a year or d) who knows?; kinda left me reflecting on whether I had any regrets...things I would be really sad to not have accomplished before checking out of this world.

As the song goes "Regrets, I've had a few", but for the most part I have a life that makes me really happy and I am blessed with an abundance of good people in my world. And "I did it my way" ;) 
And not that I feel I've wasted much of my time on this earth, but I had taken it for granted that I still had lots of time to finish more of the things I want to do in life, and now I have focus for what I want to do with my time.

When reflecting on what volunteer responsibilities to let go of, I decided I would remove all hats (except for things that are specific tasks, like doing our monthly rotation on the compost for our co-op, and finishing tasks I started in preperation for our Celebrate Mt Pleasant Days event on June 7th which is gonna be so much fun!) and just give myself permission to take a year off and put my spare energy to use on continued healing and finding better balance.

It has been a benefit and a curse to have very few hours at work in April and May. Money stress makes me worry, but I know we'll be ok in the long run, so falling a bit behind on bills could be worse. Remember to breathe.

I've used my free time for plenty of reflection, meditation, stretching (want to get to some yoga classes with neighbour friends, but doing some moves I learned way back in prenatal yoga), going for walks in the woods with friends and their dogs, going for long walks all day on my own (just cuz I love walking), a bunch of garden therapy getting some food growing on our patio, great hangouts with friends and lots and lots of writing! Also enjoyed flashbacks to the past looking at old photos (like before digital times old) which reminded me I have had a good life so far. Plenty of ups and downs, full of challenges that have shaped my character, and many people I've had fun adventures with. Lucky girl!

 

I'm very glad I still have time to enjoy the ride of life...tho can't ride on rides anymore. My thrill seeking, adrenaline rush days are behind me. At least I can say 'been there, done that' for lots of coasters and even jumps from high places! While spending a day at Playland for Sasha's birthday I found that the swings, ferris wheel and the Pirate ship are my thrill rides now, lol. ;)

My focus on stability is a challenge and trying to land some stable employment is my biggest stress. I hope to end up full time at Britannia one day, but sitting around waiting for that is hard for me. So I have also spent time on my resume and cover letters to apply for work elsewhere. Not a lot of options out there that appeal to me, but I have exceptional people skills, learn fast, and have a diverse range of work/volunter exprience that will land me somewhere good one of these days!

Until work is worked out, I'll keep focusing on more fun with friends and finishing creative projects I need to complete. A while back I chose to let go of the full documentary idea for the Educate Me Project, but now I'm going to make some short films by breaking out ideas from the feature length project.
I'm very excited to get to work on the first which will be ready for production soon with the tagline "If governments are going to run public education like its a game, let's turn it into a game we can win."

Also going to keep using the filmmaking skills I've acquired to work with Sasha on her Sashaland Productions, and we have two projects we're going to finish together down the road. 

I'm practicing my music and have songs to sing, so I might conquer a fear and find a stage to sing them on for my birthday. And trying to learn German in hopes of being conversational before our potential trip to Germany/UK in the fall. I love having things to look forward to and nothing beats an epic family adventure! :)

This blog will still be home to things I want to share with friends and family like updates on health and good times. (this blog has evolved since it started as a way to share pics and info for those far away about my pregnancy and birth of our baby...who now is 8 and very capable of sharing her own stories) Otherwise, I am now gonna put my creative energy into @positivekat with writing, filming, and making music. All this I'm gonna share thru my new Saucy Side Productions site.

Now you're up to date on life with me. More news to come after I see the neurologist. Thanks to all you faboo folks for all the positive energy you continue to give me! :)

A Super Sasha Story

A fun collaborative creation on a lazy Sunday morning.

Sasha says "let's make a book together!" She tells the tale. I write it out for her. She draws the pictures. She narrates while I film. I edit and post for your viewing pleasure.

Hope you enjoy "Super Sasha and the Power to Help"   : )

new decade begins

A pretty positive start to the new year overall...and its spring already! how did that happen??

I really am trying to get in the habit of writing a bit more frequently so my updates don't turn into long summaries of our whirlwind life in retrospect...but I had a wee bit of writers block in all areas of life when this year began. Now that the mental wall has come down I'm back in the writing zone and catching up on things.

The end of my stable hours at the Info Centre, and adjusting to a whole new weekly changing work schedule had me feeling quite anxious for a while. Not as nice working mostly nights and weekends as I am now back to taking whatever hours I can get and that is usually what I'm offered. Feast or famine auxiliary life has its stresses, but the flexibility has worked for us so far. And up to this point I've been getting enough hours at Britannia (between the Info Centre & the pool) and the MOV for us to stay afloat just fine. This has helped me relax a bit more lately. :)

Some tales from the beginning of this new decade were worthy of their own posts, like the Olympic ramblings, farewell to ravishing beasts, spring potlucks and a moving adventure, and the rest I will recap as best I can here.

The adorable pic of Sasha above was the night she had her first hair cut a la mommy. Trimmed her bangs and the longest of the curls at the back. She's not much for barrettes or ponytails,  so we needed to cut the hair in front so she could see ;)


Mark and I had a couple of date nites to start the year off. The first was dinner and a hockey game as we enjoyed his tix I got him for Christmas. Super fun night, and a bonus that the Canucks actually won that night too! yay

Our other night out was to see my buddy Matt in his theatre show "Hobson's Choice" (vid clip) How's that for a balance? Sports and theatre in one month. :D




After our food and drink the night of the game, we began a family cleanse and started the Wild Rose meal plan for 12 days. Basically, we cut out flour, sugar and dairy which turned out to be a lot less challenging than we expected. Cheese, bread and wine were a touch difficult to live without, but we don't eat very many processed foods, so we approached it as an opportunity to simply try a bunch of new recipes, and I was determined to conquer my fear of beets. I love to eat them but always worried about the mess of them so never prepared them myself. You can ask Mark sometime just how far I've come with my culinary skills and trying new things in the kitchen since we met. He still doesn't like to watch me use a knife (though he's the one who keeps cutting himself...not me, hehe) but my prep skills have come along way too and I have mastered many yummy meals! And the beets weren't so scary after all, lol.

The best part of our time of cleanse was the way Sasha eagerly jumped into it and loved it. We had to pack a special lunch and snacks for her throughout the cleanse, and she would carry her lunch bag every day excited to show everybody what she got to have. I was worried it might be tricky for her to eat different things than everyone else, but it was only hard one day when they had a snack that Sasha is a particularly big fan of. Other than that the whole menu change was fairly easy for us all.

Well, aside from the caffeine headaches Mark and I suffered the first couple of days. We didn't have to cut out coffee, but without milk and sugar I don't enjoy it as much, so I switched to herbal teas...and we were pretty darn cranky for a day or two there.

Anyways, we did actually feel better at the end of the cleanse and decided we would like to do it again in the fall. The 6 pills a day that you have to take as herbal supplements during the cleanse are a bit hard to swallow (aha), but we did achieve the goal of learning a bunch of great new recipes to add to our menu mix.

Another goal to achieve has been getting us all on track with the dentist. I realized last fall that it was time to consider taking Sasha for her first exam of her teeth. Before getting her started it was time for Mark and I to get to have a little dental catch-up ourselves. Here's an embarassing little secret: I had not been to the dentist since I moved to Vancouver in 1997. I know, I know. And we didn't even have a really good excuse since we have his dental plan and everything. 2 procrastinators = neglected dental appointments. Time to change that!!

I'm happy to say that for me, it took one 'new patient' appointment, 2 cleanings - one for each side of my mouth, and 2 fillings...and my teeth are all caught up. Seems I take pretty good care of them which was nice to hear! Mark is a different story, but he too will be caught up soon...and let's see which role model the kids choose to follow when it comes to brushing, hehe.

Sasha will have her first dentist appointment after her bday...which is at the end of this month! I can't say my 3 year old anymore because Sasha is gonna be 4 years old very soon! I will have a post dedicated to all of the thoughts I have to share about that later. For now I'm back to the day to day focus, and doesn't time move slowly living in the now?  Full of great moments of help and play around the house. I love that Sasha is really into board games which has opened a whole new level of family play time :)






Before the olympics we noticed something new on our walks to and from daycare (and on my walks to Britannia) Back then it was usually getting dark when we picked her up at the end of the day, so she first noticed it because it was a bright new light in the distance. From the top of the hill at China Creek park you can see this giant piece of public art which is called the Monument for East Vancouver by artist Ken Lum and is based on a symbol that has a long history and has become a common tattoo even. The piece reminds me too much of a neon sign for some kind of chapel, but it certainly makes for interesting conversation with people from East Van, and Sasha loves it. She can read all the letters, and she likes to declare now that she is "so happy I live in our neighbourhood of East Van" which was something she didn't know before this was put in place. What do you think?


Another interesting conversation piece I've enjoyed is the Aquaponics experiment that has been going on in the Britannia Info Centre. Our food security coordinator Ian Marcus, along with some Brit Secondary students who are doing science projects on different ways to grow food, are now enjoying the greens of their labours (well, mostly Ian's labour! what a stress adventure learning how to get this thing to work!) I love seeing food growing in the office, and its fascinating that the fish poop can feed the plants! They continue to grown even more since my last 'after' pic here.

I feel it is an exciting time to be a part of Britannia as there is a new focus on the future of the centre. Not to simply get on the next capital plan for some small (and much needed larger) problems can be fixed, but to create a master plan that is bold and sustainable in its vision. Britannia has an amazing history and is a unique model for a hub of community services. Right now is a great time to share your own ideas at somethingishappening@britanniacentre.org or fill in the survey at britanniacentre.org (link is on the front page) if you'd like to have your say. I found the open house that was held recently featuring a few different ways of gathering community input to the next level of planning, was a really fascinating process. And the skill of the people who can just draw everything you imagine and tell them about is crazy impressive!

The ultimate balance for us in crazy times is a healthy dose of friendship time. Mark has the boys over fairly often, and I'm lucky to have play time out of the home! Like a matinee movie date with Ali (love her facial reaction to "what do you think of all that pretty fencing around the olympic village below?") where we saw Avatar and ate her dreamy crepes in the theatre, hehe; also had a fun nite out with Victoria where I finally got to try Cafe Katmandu. Both of these dates included nice long walks which goes so well with great conversation and good food digestion :)


There are many staff I work with at the pool that have become solid friends over the years, and I was thrilled that Erinn held a fabulous feast (a full on carribean fest of delicious food!!) in her home and a chance for Mark and Sasha to finally meet a few more members of the fabu pool crew! Only managed a few worthy pics tho:



A live music night with friends at Cafe Deux Soleils with a few pitchers of sangria - you know I was in heaven! ;)


A great treat was time with our island friends before they moved back to the city and welcomed baby Maia to the world!

Our co-op was approved for all of the grant and loan money we need to start the renovations to all of the exterior. More info to come as the process begins to move forward, but the first investment was a new appliance contract so we all have new fridges and stoves! First sign of all the changes to come - wheeee!

A family adventure one day had us walking around town and ending up at Kalamata greek restaurant before going home. On the way we had to stop at the Canada Line station at Broadway, where for some reason they have a few cute little cow statues. Not sure why...

I'm sure that I have missed something, but I feel you are pretty well up to date on us wacky folks by this point. Time for you to send me a quick note with what is new with you!

We have a lot to look forward to in the year to come, so there will continue to be much to read about! I'm off to Montreal in May and also get to try the Tourism Challenge again this month (what stamps will we adventure for this year?), our 10th wedding anniversary is in June, and family camping adventure this summer - yeeeepa!

Here is a last little something to put a smile on your face: Sasha's last version of "Oh Canada"