did you say it's Christmas next week?!!!

time for the family photo again...there are better pics than this but since some of you are getting copies (maybe for christmas?) i can't post them yet. teehee. we used to only do pics with the timer in front of the tree, but for Penny's sake we had a professional one done last year. this year i managed to sign us up for a freebie shoot from Pacifica Photography. they got some really great pics of us!

it was funny when I told Mark that we were going for a portrait shot and he reminded me that all of our 'good' clothes (of which we don't have many) were all packed in storage. my reply was "who says you have to dress up?"...and so in our full length pics you can see just how casual i really was - barefoot ;)

anyways, the week or so since the last post has been another roller coaster of emotion.
first let's start with the move. we all met at the storage place when I got off work. it was saturday and Murphy was kind enough to hold off on the rain until the last 15 min or so of unloading with the movers. (right after I said "aren't we lucky the rain held off today?" d'oh!)

Overall the day went pretty well. the movers were great guys, both originally from New Brunswick. it was fun to share stories from NB as I have been there a couple of times to visit Ang & Ian (before I moved here and they moved back to Ontario...maybe we'll end up in the same province again one day? lol)

it was a successful day in my mind...except for: my toe nail which was ripped off (my consequence for continuing to wear sandals all year...damn hot feet); the tv getting a chip in the frame; one of the movers falling down the stairs (he was bruised but ok...and it wasn't me for a change - bonus!); and we now have no box spring for our bed cuz it didn't fit up our stairs.

since our move in we have received a wonderful amount of warm welcoming to our home. we were given a lovely bamboo plant as our welcome gift from the co-op, cookies brought to our door from Kristina, a housewarming gift from dad & Liz of 2 stainless steel wine glasses (which we have already used a few times and love...can't break these suckers -sweet!) and today while I was at work our neighbour came and introduced herself to Mark and brought us a Christmas gift!

WOW!!!! I've never felt so welcome in a new place ever before in my life...it has really helped to melt away the stress and anxiety of the whole 'between-homes' ordeal :)

wednesday was my 7th day straight of spontaneous bursts of glee to have an end to all of the pieces of my life that had been in limbo. work and home were back to approaching some semblance of order...settling into the new place and things looking really good for the new year. joy joy joy!

then came the call from my mom. Grandpa was in the hospital and not expected to last more than a few days. he was on meds until he went in his sleep basically.

a whole new limbo. and the saddest one of the year by far.

he passed away yesterday morning and i'm still trying to process my feelings on it all. i'm thankful i had a good visit with him last spring and that I was able to introduce him to Sasha. he just beamed when he got to introduce everyone to his daughter, granddaughter and great-granddaughter. and I had just assumed he'd still be around when I visited ontario again in 2008...

well. it seems we'll likely get our family together there in the spring to honour him in some way together and I look forward to this. for now i grieve for my grandpa who i will miss.

oh yeah...in a few days it's time for Christmas! i've never been less prepared. i have to admit that i don't think i've ever had a harder time getting into the spirit. the ups and downs lately have me feeling a bit spent. but i know the hugs and time i will have with family over the next week will help rejuvenate me.

another thing to be happy for is that we have Che with us for the holidays, and Mark and I are off work a fair bit for the next couple of weeks so we have time for us all to unpack and make this place our home! yay!

i'm happy i can still remember and appreciate all that i have to be happy for in life. even in the past 5 months of limbo and all it's trials i have never lost site of all i have to feel gratitude for...and still do. and I haven't even mentioned my freakin' fantastic coworkers at Brit who have been just so amazingly supportive. Helping me through breakdowns and always giving me something to look forward to...my lack of a straight jacket right now is in major part due to my friends at the pool, info centre and child care of britannia community centre! super squishes of thanks for my fellow brit staff...one more family i know i can count on when i'm in need :)

before i end with a couple of pics of Sasha enjoying her new home (and she really has settled into her new room and this whole place with remarkable resiliency! she seems unphased by all the chaos and shuffle of the past few weeks...and i wonder when - if ever - she will tire of the 27 steps from top to bottom) i just wanted to share with all of you the latest piece in my public education advocacy.

I have joined with an adhoc group of parents and educators who are tired of public education being treated as a football in party politics. As the Vancouver Public Education Project (PEP) we're aiming to unite progressive candidates in next years municipal school board elections. It's time we stop letting school board be treated as a mere stepping stone in a political ladder. We all want trustees who are running for school board becasue they care about protecting public education at the local level. You can read our open letter to potential candidates which was released to the media this week...and please sign on if you are supportive of it!
http://www.publiceducationproject.blogspot.com/

now...back to the cutey pie...here playing on her new bed...and first bath time in the new home

merry christmas everyone! hope your holidays are jolly whatever you celebrate with your loved ones :)

move in any time...

just a quick note for those of you who look for updates often:

last night we found out we can move into our suite anytime...and today we got the keys to our new home!!! yay!! yippee!! hip hip hooray!!!

here's Sasha spinning around on the new laminant flooring in our suite. (new flooring adn carpeting throughout - sweet!) we went to pick up our keys, do some measurements, and get another look at the place we will soon call home...and she ran herself ragged up and down the stairs yelling all over the place to check out the really neat acoustics only found in a vacant apartment. cute for the first 1/2 hour - lol

as irritating as her frantic energy became after an hour or so, I was more relieved at her happiness (she really seemed to love the place! can't wait to see what she thinks of having her own room) after she and I had a very dramatic 20 minutes on route to the co-op...
as I was leaving Mums I noticed the door ajar signal on. so I got out to see which door was ajar...and then my door closed...and then I found out all the doors were locked - with Sasha still in the car!!!!

I had a hard time not completely freaking out as I realized it wouldn't benefit either of us (and she was clearly upset enough for both of us)...but I was internally going insane at my baby being locked in and I had no idea what to do at first.

Luck was on our side though as a neighbour just happened to be pulling into their drive as I was coming to my horrific conclusion...and when I asked for help she came through like an ace! She set me up with her cordless phone and the phone # for BCAA (for which I knew Penny had a membership...practical!) After an excruciating time on hold I relayed the situation and was told a truck was on its way - I believe baby trapped in car gets you pretty high up on the list pronto!

the driver came within about 10 minutes...almost the longest waiting time in my life. the whole ordeal only about 20 minutes...but holy moly...took much longer for my heart to calm. the driver thought it was pretty funny when I declared "I've never been so happy to get into a car in my life!!"

aside from that drama everything else still feels surreal...the limbo period is almost over...and we actually will be moving this weekend!!! saturday to be precise. yay!

got our movers lined up...crossing things off the to-do list.

the suite is better than I remembered (more spacious in some areas, not so spacious in others...funny how the memory shifts perception over the weeks. it was also hard to visualize without all of the other tenants stuff) and I am now feeling confident about our settling in there just fine :)

next post will have great adventure tales from the move into northern way...next few days are all about work and moving. I was jumping for joy today at being happy in a way I haven't been happy in many months...I'm gonna go do some more jumping now ;)

a home between homes

here is Sasha lavishing in waffle goodness...we've been spoiled the first few days here at Mums I'll say :)

so here's the story on our move...

we were supposed to be out of the house on the 30th. well...I was just a wee bit over optimistic on how much Mark & I could manage alone in two days with a pick up. (unrealistic is what Penny calls it. teehee)

the pick up we used had a canopy so it limited how much we could pile into it. so 2 things I underestimated was space in the vehicle, and the other how long it would take.

On friday the weather was fabulous and we had help from one of mums friends who squeezed in a trip for us and came with her truck to take our queen bed.

on saturday Murphy tested us a bit with the first major snow of the year which slowed things down - but gratefull wasn't a downpour of rain (count the blessings!) we were also totally lucky to have my wonderful friend Susan come to our rescue with her minivan (amazingly spacious!) to help us with the last few loads.

and after everything was in storage we did our final clean up of the place...and were finally done and out about 11:30pm on Saturday!! a full day behind schedule...and totally exhausted.

really dropped the ball on organizing the move out. so now we want to organize the move in to the new place at the Northern Way Co-op...but we STILL don't know when that will be!!!

we spent a couple of nights at Thomas & Kristina's (our friends who live in the same co-op) while they played in disneyland. there we got to get a feel for the new area and we both got in a walk to/from work (under 1/2 for Mark, just over 1/2 hour for me - wicked!!) but I'll admit to being jealous cuz their suite is much nicer then the one we're moving into. we also got to see the painters there working on our suite...so we know the work has begun which means the end point is near...the suite (#404) will be our home soon enough!

I have started my list of things I'm eager to do in our new 'hood. The Drive has been my destination walking point for the past few years. Now there are so many great places to walk to I can't wait! and all the many hills of the mount pleasant neighbourhood will be good exercise for me and Sasha ;)

in the meantime we hang out here in North Van at Mums house. she's gone to visit Karli so it feels funny to play house here while she's away (and we miss being pampered - lol) I'm trying to think of it as a mini vacation...but still having to deal with day-to-day life (with a bit of a commute from the north shore we're not used to) makes it hard to relax like we really are on vacation.

the only anxiety I have left is the inability to feel settled in my home with my family. not having access to that stuff in our 10x15 storage space is quite nerve racking. I'd like to think I'm not really attached to the stuff...it's more the space the stuff fills that I'm longing for. soon kathy...soon.

a bonus on the storage front - it seems our wager on the Public Storage facility payed off as we only had to pay about $85 all together including another week we've added just in case we don't get in before the 17th. sweet deal if you ask me...we're very happy with their service!

the other positive since the last post is that I finally know when the job share will start - Jan 22. So I'll have my regular friday shift at the pool and two days a week in the info centre sharing the job. Very very nice! a huge relief...and now I can finally schedule around our child care needs and everything else! excellent!

january is going to be full of newness...new job (kinda...the work I'm sharing is new as I don't do it as an auxilary) and new home...new community to explore. and today we went and got new bedding for all of us for our new bedrooms (and a bed for Sasha for her 1st room of her own) as an early house warming gift to our family.

here's a couple of more pics of Sasha keeping us entertained as we did the last of our packing up...and we're thankful to Granma for taking care of Sasha while we worked to get ourselves out of there! a bounty of gratitude to Penny, Susan and Darryl for their help in moving us out of 36th...really couldn't have done it without them (or maybe we could but it would have been really really awful!) their positive energy was much needed and their help so much appreciated!

don't know how much longer the limbo will go on...but I'll keep you posted :)

almost outta here...

with only 4 sleeps left here on 36th thought I'd put out a quick update...with the chaos of the week to come it will likely be the last for a bit.

since last week we have put a couple more loads into storage which will reduce our work load this thursday and friday as we get everything out of here. the emptier it gets in here the more real it feels that this is our home no longer...

last week while Sasha and I were on a journey around the neighbourhood, we saw a coyote just a block away from here! it moved so quickly and quietly...so silently I would never have noticed it had it not passed before me. though we locked eyes it clearly had a path it was on...in the direction of our house - my first thought "where was Karma when we left?!"...sleeping on the bed - whew!

the last time I saw a coyote was when we lived at main & 41st near the cemetary. it surprises me how much territory they can cover in this city, and I wonder how many people are aware of the "living with coyotes" info Vancouver has available for people to inform themselves. maybe because 've read the info on the web site (www.vancouver.ca) and the brochures I picked up my first trip to Stanley Park long ago...well the surprise of seeing the coyotes never scares me. It's pretty cool to watch them glide out of sight...and I'm choosing to ignore the folklore that it is bad luck when they cross your path!

especially today as I go for my cat scan - finally! 2 1/2 months since my concussion and my head will now be scanned. given I can still feel the bruising at the point of impact I know it's the worst concussion I've ever had...but I'd still be surprised if this scan shows anything other than a normal looking skull. solid as a rock my head is ;)

it will likely be a couple of weeks before I get any results...I'll let you know when I know what kind of damage, if any, I've done to myself this time.

other than the Kengsington Community Association AGM on wednesday (where I end my time as a member of the board after 2 years - it was a great learning experience for me and I'm thankful to all my fellow board and program committee members who made it wonderful!) we're just playin' and packin' for the next few days before our final move out.

it's been a great place to live this little home on 36th. with all of our involvement at Che's school, organizing events in the local park with neighbours, the great friendships that evolved with many of our neighbours, volunteering on the board at Kensington, becoming the MC for community events...and the most wonderful memory of all - welcoming our baby girl into our world! though eagerly looking forward to entrenching ourselves in the mount pleasant community...it's no wonder I'm so sad to leave. much gratitude to the kensington community for the good times while we were here!!

Mark and I now head to our 7th home together in 10 years...exactly 10 years ago since our first kiss - the first kiss he remembers anyway! LOL! Ready to take on a whole new home with our little family...and another 10 years together. smooches babe :)

here are the final pics I'll post from Sasha's first home: she definetly doesn't fit into the infant car seat anymore!!; totally in love with her brother...and the really cool happy face pillow he made; the tantrum side; and quiet time with mommy :)





















"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." ~Anatole France

faith in murphy

Sasha has this totally hilarious face and sound that she makes when she's excited...here's the face - LOL! She's excited 'cuz she's on a chair and writing with a pen - two of her favorite things. I think she's also impressed with her fine penmanship ;)



well, despite the melancholy and emotional overload expressed in the past few posts, there continues to be a great balance of positive energy in our life too. Some days it feels like a lot of work to maintain the happy-go-lucky self. Some days I just can't do it...and these are the days I curse my dysfunctional pituitary gland for making me so hormonally unbalanced...and I remember to breathe through to the next day.

A few folks have been worried about me as they tune in to my stories of frustration and anxiety over the past 5 months. I'm thankful for the concern and the emotional support...that love, being spoiled by Penny (above and beyond the call of duty as super granny these days!!) and the many random acts of kindness I keep encountering have helped me feel a turnaround in energy - much gratitude :)

Also want to remind myself and everyone else that by the new year we'll be settled and I'm close enough to that point now that the limbo is not feeling so overwhelming anymore to my mind. whew!

After developing an action plan around our upcoming move out - storage needs, car/truck bookings, child minding, etc- and actually taking first steps on this 'to do' list...my energy is definitely back up up up! just needed to have some control over things in our life again...the planner in me is satisfied once again. and it's verra verra nice to have all the boxes that we packed already outta here. (they had just become new walls which prompted Che to rename our office the 'box office' -teehee) now we have room to pack even more boxes - super! whew!

Now we are leaving something in fate's hands...the cost of our storage. we decided to rent storage space now and start taking loads as we can over the next two weeks and then hope to need it only a month...but it might be longer. Having narrowed our storage options it boiled down to company A which would charge 1 month with another month free, or a company B which charged $1 (plus another $34 in admin fees, etc) for the first month and a bit more than company A for the 2nd month.

With all of Murphy's strikes against us this year we decided he owes us one and that the stars will align for us to be in the co-op by Dec 17th...and therefore saving us more than a couple of hundred dollars in storage fees! Quite the wager and might cost us...but I'm feeling a definite shift in odds against us...feeling a little faith in Murphy and that it's all gonna be real good real soon :)
a wonderful date night on Saturday - had dinner at Harambe on the Drive...great experience and great Ethiopian food! - and then a party to celebrate the bdays of Tanya and some of her fellow scorpions at a 20's theme party and we had an amazing time with a great new group of people! tons of fun and everyone who dressed up looked awesome!

working on the doc with Tanya and some other fascinating stuff going on in my public education advocacy is giving me focus into the next year and beyond which also keeps my passion going...lots to look forward to and lots of work I'm loving!

speaking of work...I have found out the job share paperwork all had to be done over again so we'll likely have the green light for it by january. I give a big sigh of relief - whew! - to finally have an answer to the when on that big question! yay! and I'm happy to not have too many shifts over the next month or so to have the time needed to get our home in order.

2 more weeks of good times to be had here amongst the chaos...

today we played with Gilly and Merlin again! yeepa!!! been way too long and Sasha and I are happy to be back on track with playdates with friends...sooooooooooooooooooo happy! :)

The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum. ~Havelock Ellis, The Dance of Life, 1923

reflection and good times much needed

Sasha was as adorable as ever this halloween as you can see here...what a great little turtle! :)

it was amazing night and we were happy to reconnect with some friends and Sasha loved being out and about at night with so many things to see...including Che's haunted house that he and his friends put togther (which my camera didn't do justice to so no pics here - sorry)

here are Joanne and Saskia the cutest duck ever...and can you believe Sasha was that wee last year (remember the red hot chili pepper!!! lol) Saskia was born the day before Sasha's 1st bday so it's kinda cool to have another bairn in our world exactly a year younger than Sasha...neat to see how they change in a year!

here is Sasha helping herself to candy at Susans (which we ate - yummy) - blurry but cute; Sasha running around Shannon & Ryans home; and the whole gang.







my camera is not taking as many great pics these days. I think this might have something to do with how often I have let Sasha get her hands on it...even while camping...oops! some pics are better than none ;)



after halloween we had a visit from Johnny, Kristen and Jacob who we last saw on Cortes this summer...sweet! Jacob is walking his first steps now and has changed so much in only 3 months. We miss their little family very much so it was so good to hang out again - even for only an evening :)

Mark made his new favorite for them - chicken cacciatore...very very yummy! He had kept asking for a pressure cooker for ages and when he finally recieved one a few years ago...well he hadn't used it once. I used the pressure cooker first...and not cook with...just as a reliable pot to bring my veggie stew to our picket line potluck one day. After telling everyone about it's first use...Mark finally got motivated to shut me up...teehee









another wonderful meal we had recently was with Dad & Liz...and now the realization that it has been about 10 years since I first met the Whittam clan! My first meeting with a bunch of the family was at a basketball game back when Vancouver had an NBA franchise...what were they called again? Was a fun night though ;)

All of Mark's family...my family for a long time now...have helped me grow in my time of knowing them. Challenging me and helping me, and always giving me much food for thought! With today being Remembrance day I've been reflecting most on the storytelling and perspective offered by Alec on this day. We had had a family dialogue the other night which had turned to war games and Alec shared with Che his reasons for never agreeing to play them - quite simply he doesn't want to glorify something which has caused (and continues to cause) so much pain and suffering to so many...it's just not entertaining to pretend to kill people when you have actually lost people directly as a result of war like he has.

another thing which has me thinking this Nov. 11th was an article I read that same day offering another perspective on Remembrance day...that it not just be a day of mourning those lost in the wars...but that we also take time to reflect on the sacrifices our own generation can make for the better good of tomorrows society. I agreed with the author that it feels quite hypocritical to honour the sacrifices made by soldiers and all of those who made sacrifices at home...and then complain that making changes to our own lives is too difficult because "it's not convenient" - which is an excuse we've all heard too often.

(Note: the following thoughts are a reflection on violence and may not be your cup of tea today... so feel free to scroll down a bit to the :) and the final happy thoughts for this post)

Being a peacenik I long for a time when there are no wars...but I know that is not reality in this moment. I want the boys and men of our world to have a higher purpose than systematically wiping each other out in one war after another...for oil...or water...or diginity. And in todays wars there are far more innocent children & civilians killed than soldiers...so how much longer can we the people allow the killing to go on? how long before our own children are sheltering themselves from bombs on their cities? I'm not so naive that I have my head in the sand on future repercussions for todays government and military choices. And recruitment is on the rise on all sides.

the past week I've been reflecting alot on violence. there is so much of it in the world...it's easy to be consumed by it all and believe that ugly side of human nature is unavoidable. I'm no stranger to acts of aggression, having witnessed many and been on the receiving end of some too. But it's been a few years since I've really seen anything beyond a shouting match. In the past week i was shocked back into the reality of the random acts of violence that exist in our day-to-day world and was witness to more than one ugly scene.

Trying to get off a bus on my way to the co-op, I was blocked by a man making his way on. He didn't notice me coming with the stroller because he was too busy yelling at the woman behind him...and then before I knew it he was hitting her and they were on the ground with him doing the majority of the pounding!!

I was maybe 3 feet away from this big bear of a man, twice my size, as he threw his first punch. And I didn't see until he had finished his fist thrashing that the person he had been pummeling on the sidewalk was a woman half my size...with glasses. I'll tell you she put up a good fight, but physically she was really no match for him. I was frozen in place by fear of this man who was blocking my safe exit with my baby, and becasue he was clearly not in control of his anger.

The pounding probably didn't last more than a minute, if that...time alters in slow motion retrospect. Then they were yelling at each other. This is where she matched him in spirit as she stood her ground demanding to know why he hit her...but he just kept saying she hit him first!! It was when they started the verbal abuse on one another that Sasha finally reacted to the violent tension around her and started crying. Though she couldn't see them she felt the hostility as much as everyone else around them.

Then I was torn for a second by my desire to ensure the woman was really okay and that she might need witnesses...and my desire to get my girl outta there...guess which instinct took over? Hearing the bus driver on his phone calling for back up becasue of an assualt in progress and seeing the woman on her feet and holding her own in an argument I shoved that stroller and with help from some other passengers made it off the bus by the back door.

I've been struggling with that choice because I really felt for that woman and I feel bad for not having done anything at all. What I have decided to do is to follow up with Translink to find out if I can add my witness testimony to any incident reports and if there were any charges laid.
I felt for the bus driver knowing they see acts of assault quite often on certain routes, when not being the victims of misdirected anger themselves.
I felt for the woman and the emotioanl and physical pain she must have felt...and the effects she likely went through after the fact when the shock wears off.
and I felt for the man who lost it and took out all of his anger in his life on this stranger...what makes a man act that way and feel entitled to act that way?

another violent blow to the head I witnessed (was it only yesterday?) happened in our living room. Che had a few friends over for an afternoon of D&D. 2 of these boys apparently don't get along very well. early in the afternoon (while Sasha and I were out enjoying the sunshine) there had been a blow up between them which became physical - and involved heads being hit with books.

there was a lot of name calling going on too. At one point I came in to put a stop to the insults...just in time to see one fist smash into one face with such force the head ricocheted off the wall.

well. I lost it. I made it very clear with my words that violent blows to the head were not allowed in our home under any circumstances. I was shaken by the hostility on his face during the action and really angry with his nonchalance and excuses after. it's a struggle to remember that aspergers kids aren't necessarily aware of their facial expressions and often have little control with their responses to anger or fustration.

So I found myself in another moment of shock. And realized I was still raw from the bus encounter. I need to seperate the incidents in my mind...but a flying fist is a flying fist when you know how it feels on the other end. And with a young man in my home I felt no hesitation in expressing my upset at his violent outburst.

we'll give the boys a chance to play nice another day. since they see each other every day at school and are in the same program they will likely learn to get along eventually...right?

if it does happen again, especially in our home, I hope I will be able to check my own emotioanl reaction and help facilitate a more genuine moment of apology and understanding between them. I still feel I could have been a much better role model in that instant...proof that I still have work to do on my own peace keeping skills.

perhaps we should be teaching alot more of that kind of skill development in our schools. maybe if the kids learn more about community and less about war the legacy of rights and sacrifice by the elders today will make a real difference tomorrow...and not just yesterday in a 2 minute silence.

:)

back on the happy note...when I'm really in need of positive energy it seems to find me. after the crazy bus moment, on my way to the co-op to sign all the papers (so it's official...the suite is ours - yay!...but still no word on when!!!) Sasha and I stopped at a playground near our soon to be home and we met a wonderfully nice mom & tot. I was really thankful for the smiles and fun of watching Sasha make a new friend!

Until the job share starts my work load has lightened a bit...at least the stuff that pays me anyways - lol. So when I'm not reveling in all my time with Sasha, or organizing things for the move, I'm still having weekly meetings with Tanya as we work on the doc. and this has been helpful in giving me something concrete in my life outside of home and work to focus on...keep me on the edge of sanity on those days when the emotional tightrope walk is a bit precarious. Not to be overly dramatic but I have been a bit unglued some days...many days lately...is something rising in my moon? what's going on in retrograde and when will all the stars align again?

well...most of them are almost in line...give me a couple of dates to work with (home when? job share when?) and I tell you I will be the happiest of campers.

spontaneous wine nights (thanks again Susan), long walks and loved ones who reach out and touch you when you are too overwhelmed to reach out to them...the spice of life I love :)

and my favorite spice is our little sassy Sasha...here she is at the park and taking a break in her brothers hamper!! she is hilarious!! lol :)








I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, "Mother, what was war?"
~Eve Merriam

Sometimes I think it should be a rule of war that you have to see somebody up close and get to know him before you can shoot him. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter

Nations have recently been led to borrow billions for war; no nation has ever borrowed largely for education. Probably, no nation is rich enough to pay for both war and civilization. We must make our choice; we cannot have both.
~Abraham Flexner

almost there...

news to share - Mark has been adjusting to life back at work at Carnegie for just over a week now.... a lot more schedule juggling going on, especially around my varied hours. since the job share seems to be taking its time coming together, i'm gonna let it take even more time now and wait 'til december so I'll have lots of time to work on getting things ready for our move at novembers end...

that's right - the biggest news is that we are sooooooooo close to the end of the biggest challenge for us this year - a new home is on the horizon!! yay!!!!!!!!! yep...we got in to the Northern Way co-op - very good news indeed :)

I'm truly happy and looking forward to settling in there...however i'm experiencing high anxiety because we will be between homes anywhere from 1-3 days or 1-3 weeks...perhaps 'til the new year...this uncertainty is driving me nuts - even though i'm trying soooooooo hard not to let it. half my lifetime ago (can't believe 17 years old seems so long ago) i had a short period between homes when I actually slept in my car for a week. (at least i had my car!!) so now being between homes with my family is freakin' me out even though I know we are welcome in the homes of family & friends.

i'm thankful we are not truly homeless...like so many other folks in genuine distress. the rational side of my brain says "take a chill pill" knowing it is all gonna be fine and our family will be newly settled within a couple of months. the rational side of me reminds myself that i really have nothing to feel anxious about - our straights are not dire...just a bit murky.

but 3 months of instability with family, home and work - months of fustration over the strike... has my over emotional side taking the lead on my thoughts...(that and hormones raging - lol) so it feels like no matter how much i meditate on everything I am full of gratitude for...even though i hear from my rational side every day "suck it up - you're fine!"...well...despite my best efforts i'm burning out of positive energy.

after a meltdown last weekend (the straw that broke the back was a communication breakdown with someone in accounting which had me worried we'd have no pay for 3 weeks - financial stress to add to it all!!!!) i'm stuck in a state of melancholy and am overwhelmed with the waves of emotion lately. i feel like a martyr whining about this period of instability when the reality is my life is pretty fantastic on the whole. but i've never dealt well with limbo and i'm desperate for just one piece of my life to be out of it completely again. primarily the home...the crab within me wants relaxing comfort of home again!

"ahhhh...young Kathy-son...remember to breathe..." yes. breathe more...think less. ;)

once again I bring my focus back to the one little being who always helps me feel good - Sasha. Now at 18 months here are the latest stats on her growth: she's still in the 97th percentile in her weight and height at 29 lb 10 oz (I was SURE she was over 30 lbs - teehee) 33.9 inches tall - she's almost waist high on me now!! in great health and at or above all the 'normal' development stages. and no more needles 'til she starts school...she was not happy with pokes and prods today!

visits with friends in the weeks to come and the fun of halloween will give me a new boost i'm sure...especially with Sasha dressed as an adorable turtle (Penny has the nack for finding the cutest costumes!)
look forward to pics of Sasha the turtle in the next update :)

still in limbo...still thankful :)

i can't believe it has been over a month now since my last post! a crazy emotional whirlwind and many things in a limbo period that is not over yet. so first the story on what's in limbo...then the stories on why we haven't lost our minds yet ;)

I have now been back at work since last thursday (the 11th) thus ending the the strike for my union local CUPE 15. (this pic of Sasha and Nolan was taken the last day of our picket together at Brit. they had a grand time screaming and chasing each other around! lol) My feelings on the whole situation are very mixed.

what best describes how I felt, at the end of our meeting to vote on the recommendations by Brian Foley, is deflated. (if at this point you have no knowledge on the civic strike here in vancouver that had both Mark and I out on the picket lines since July...please visit www.farinessforcivicworkers.ca and www.vancouver.ca to fill yourself in...you might get dizzy from the spin on the city site - professionally woven by the Wilcox Group.)

I wasn't entirely sure why i had such an emotional reaction to that day...and that vote...but on reflection this is my summary. I went into my meeting knowing that Mark's union was likely to vote no on their recommendations because they were not even given a language provision on pay equity promising the city would look into it. With 391 and 1004 turning theirs down, and my own bargaining committee encouraging us to vote yes - though obviously unhappy with it, they had no plan B to make staying out any longer worth it in their eyes - some of the reasons to vote yes did not sit well for me personally.

After 11 weeks I basically felt like the city had broken us by draggin their heals long enough for poverty to start setting in for many of our members. when the strike started (the week of july 23rd), and we heard rumours that the city intended to keep us out 'til at least thanksgiving, I said "no freakin' way could they keep us out that long"...ahhhhhhhhhhh naive little Kathy. my optimistic bubble was burst many times :(

the city has obligations to VANOC on contracting out of public services and privatization of public facilities, and they benefit from having a predominantly auxilary work force with no benefits or job security...but you won't hear them talk about any of these reasons for not bargaining in good faith with us at any step of the way...they can't gaurantee for us what they have already agreed to strip away...at the public's expense!!!

sigh

thanksgiving monday (1st of 2 days my local was voting, and by end of tuesday all 3 locals had voted) was the first time I felt like a disposable worker since i left the service industry. we have basically been told that in this day and age no one has job protection so suck it up and quit asking for it. this is not a legacy for workers that i am proud to turn over to the next generation - primarily Sasha, Che and all the other gems in my world. my logic runs this way - if no one is guaranteed job security anymore...shouldn't this be the time we fight for it??????

my heart felt heavy that the vision of a world that achieves sustainability, with respect for people and the environment, was so obviously still going downhill...such an uphill challenge to overcome...and it deeply unsettles me to think of letting things continue to get worse. especially when I know we are all collectively capable of a society that is so much richer in spirit and integrity than the business model we let control us today.

then, after a few blocks of mourning on the crumbling of workers rights and the inherent risk factors involved for my kids present and future...i came across the MOBY garden on 11th ave (www.myownbackyard.ca) and found happy community-minded folks harvesting their food and celebrating with music...and this filled my heart with the hope I always feel when witnessing people in the movement that continues to push and work towards the better world that is possible...one garden and community at a time :)

I was thankful for the reminder that there are many positive things going on around the world, and in my community, and that there are many inspiring people I can introduce our kids to and many alternatives I can expose them to when we come across something that concerns us.

so now my picket duty is done and i'm happy to be back at Brit, though the stability of the job share is likely a few weeks away yet...so I'm taking as many shifts as we can manage...while Mark continues his picket duty! the routine we had finally worked out to balance picketing, home and sanity is now in flux again...and could be in flux again after tomorrow. Mark and his 391 brothers and sisters they will be voting on the tentative agreement reached today between 391 and the city...and maybe the libraries will open next week too. I hope it is not without at least some of their issues addressed -with at least one clause on a pay equity review to be done!! (I'll add a brief update on this over the weekend when we know more)

while they are still out I'd just like to remind everyone that CUPE 391 was integral to the positive energy that maintained all of the people on strike...they just showed such amazing creative thinking, inspirational ways of keeping people motivated, and exhibited such crucial leadership to a union local that had never been on strike before.
here's pics of Mark and Beth (the uber-cool librarian he works with at Carnegie), the flying bike squad that clocked countless kilometers spreading positive vibes to picket lines across the city, and the 391 members getting there point across in a visual way...




it has been painful to go to Brit and see these folks (some I've known forever through Mark, and some I bonded for the first time with while on the lines) still out there...and I wish I could do more than visit and bring treats to help keep their spirits high! I'll always be thankful to them, and my fellow 15 folks for making the whole strike experience (a first for both Mark & I) a positive one overall!

here are just a few of the folks I bonded with on the 15 line: Annty & Louis Phillipe; Robert, Jeina, Elaine & Anne; Tanya, Giles, Michael and John...all 4 are new friends b/c Brit was the best place to picket ;) - lol; and some of the Brit pool & fitness crew.













get used to hearing my new friend Tanya's name (and her cutey pie Nolan up above w/ Sasha) as she and I are now working on a documentary together!! she is a filmaker who wants to make a doc, and I have had a vision for a doc on the agenda controling public education since working on the Charter for Public Education...so we started brainstorming while walking laps on the picket line. well, there's another positive to come out of the whole thing ;)



"enough about work Kathy! what's happening with your home search??" well news on the home front goes like this: we had an interview with the Northern Way co-op last Friday. (our close friends Thomas, Kristina and their son Keyan live. pictured here with Joe who took us out for breaky while visiting from Winnipeg) we'll know next week (earleist the 24th) whether we're the 1st pick for the 3 bedroom suite. actually, it's a town home with 3 levels. though we're losing space as there is no dining area, we will gain much needed storage space - big plus! there are many positives to this place: it's within walking distance ot work for both of us, we've friends in the co-op, affordable, yada yada yada...

the big downside is the suite is not available when we need it! we have to be out of here Nov 30th and this place is not ready for Dec 1st. the woman moving out has been there for 20 years so it will be getting a mega steam clean and full paint job before we can get in. so it will be days or weeks (if new floors are done now) that we would need to couch elsewhere.
the rest of the search is kinda on hold 'til we hear back...and then I can update more on home...

the stress of all this limbo at once has put me in good practise on the meditation of what I'm thankful for to keep my perspective balanced...and with that i'll end with some pics of Sasha livin la vida loca...and keepin our life full of joy :)

time for change...and lots of it!

Mark and I are enjoying a nice quiet morning together after Granma Penny took the kids to her place last night...we got to go to the CUPE Solidarity pub night (fun and informing...) dance to the musical stylin' of our friend DJ Randy Handfulls...and sleep in too! bliss :)

thought I would also take some time to update everyone on the status of home, work and family: family first. both of the kids are in a time of change...Sasha becoming more and more a toddler - her play has become more creative and exploratory and her new favorite thing is colouring (something she wants to do all the time she's not asking for stories or running around...and unlike in this pic...she is most often colouring on carpets, walls, tables, drums...) She continues to amaze us with her evolving personality, skill and cognitive development!

she is still a girl of few intelligible words...but she is ALWAYS understood.Penny just shared a good story on how Sasha expresses her desire to go out...she puts her hat on her head, walks to the door and hollers...simple and to the point...who needs words? lol ;)

with Sasha learning something new every day - she can identify many colours, letters and shapes, knows many objects in any of the books on her shelf, understands so many clear requests and can express her needs well with signs, gestures etc. - such great fun to be a part of! even if she does keep us really on our toes now - teehee

a time of change for Che who is becoming more and more a teenager...and now into the high school experience! so far so good and he seems to enjoy it. probably helps for him to have a few more options, and we'll learn more about the program he is in and what his days are like on Monday when we get to meet his teacher.

Che is also fundraising (here he is busking at the Trout Lake farmers market for donations) to participate in the Lance Armstrong Tour of Courage bike race for cancer research. He and his mom have created a team "the Howlin Cats" to race together but they need more money to join. If you would like to help Che out please visit this link
http://www.tourofcourage.ca/site/TR/?pg=personal&fr_id=1030&px=1060321
to download pledge forms or make contributions directly to his profile. I love his Jedi write up! :)

these days I'm trying to stay focused on the positives in our life - first of course is Sasha and Che...and gratitude continues for the friends and family who provide stable support for our emotional and mental health. This is now all that is stable in our lives. We are not alone and we are loved. Do not underestimate the power of positive thinking...especially when it is boosted by positive feedback from loved ones ...this is the only reason i'm not really stressed right now and why I know in a couple of months we'll be back on our feet again and everything is gonna be just fine...

that said, there are 2 significant changes we are facing now...first is the new homeowners have asked we be out by December 1st at latest so the home search is now a priority. the timing sucks so bad as we are not in a good position to deal with a rent increase (which is a reality as wherever we end up we know we'll be paying at least a couple hundred more a month) and moving costs at this point.

perhaps if we had skipped our family vacations to spend all of our time on the picket line, and at least one of us got another job we'd be more financially prepared for this...but we are in agreement that the extra quality time we've had as a family has been far more important and have no regrets about any potential debt load incurred as we stand up with our unions for negotiations in good faith...ahem

which leads us to the second big change...the talks are off again...so the strike continues...

what we were informed yesterday by our bargaining committees is that the City has decided they won't make any commitments on job security and they have now turned to the Minister of Labour to deal with it...not looking promising though some are hopeful a mediator may still be used before the tactic of forced arbitration that would send us back to work with none of our issues addressed.

(sunday update: the province told the city they had to bargain in good faith and therefore would not be stepping in...very good thing!)

even without my concussion my head would still be spinning from the sheer overwhelming force we seem to be up against. most folks on the line are now ready to ramp it up and start participating in some direct actions that would finally give attention to what it is we're standing up for...

there is a very legitimate fear for job security and a threat to public services in general. this power struggle to protect all things public seems to have become the new thread connecting all my life together at the moment. with CPEN it is about defending public education and the rights of learners. with my union it is about protecting public services at the community level. both struggles are to protect what was fought for so that I could have access to higher learning and good jobs. those rights are no longer guaranteed for our kids...but I'm not letting go of them without a fight!

more strike updates & home search news to come. Mark and I are both feeling committed to doing more action oriented stuff so things will continue to stay interesting...

something fun and interesting for me was on friday (before the fun of the pub...lucky me to have such a great day!) i had a super time traveling the town and participating with a little concertina (a very old school format of political protest using street theatre to get your message out) performance called "The Foot"
after performing at the art gallery and at central library, we heard the city had lifted the media blackout...so we decided to take our show to the CBC - here we are!

we had plenty of people come out and say "what have you got for us?" but they probably knew more than we did at that point...so we just said 'we're here to share our show!'

and CBC actually came and filmed it for your viewing pleasure :)
http://www.cbc.ca/mrl3/8752/bc/ondemand/video/STRIKErally.wmv
("the Foot" was written by Diana who is leading our group)

i'll end for now with my new favorite quote:
"A dream that I dream alone is only but a dream.
But a dream that we dream together is reality."
Raul Seixas

fall a frenzy

I realized the other day that it has been a long time since Sasha has had a real play date. aside from family vacations the poor thing has had a lot of fun on the picket line...but at least she's not alone! Many of her buddies have been hanging out on the picket line too...like her best buddy Merlin :)

Gilly and I are determined to rectify that as soon as we get some stability to our schedules again...

this is a huge limbo period right now which has been a roller coaster for us...we know we'll be just fine with a little help from family & friends (gratitude for all the positive energy we've received!!) but have to admit I had a few days where the weight of so much to do and all the limbo time really hit hard...

then Sasha hit me hard with a headbutt in the nose and cracked it (still hurts 2 weeks later!) which I thought was the icing on the cake.

at this low point I then received through my email network a great little gift...a link to a preview of the movie "the Shift" www.theshiftmovie.com

goosebumps and hope abounded after watching the 6 minute gem...so the video clip and an absolutely fabulous weekend on Saturna Island for Elaine & Gord's wedding (really really really amazing weekend!!!!!!!) ...a great time with new friends, time in a beautiful environment...think I gained a few pounds from all the amazing food...but I also conquered my fears sleeping alone outside in my tent...joy! gave me just the boost I needed to get our family through this crazy time :)

while I was off indulging on the island Mark and Sasha spent time with Penny (here with Sasha doing what she has come to love best - storytime!)- escaping from the landlord doing small renovations to the kitchen and back hallway before the first open house.

Granma also came through for us to have an evening off together on Saturday to enjoy a benefit concert for the CUPE 391 hardship funds (have to give more props to 391 who are doing a fantastic job on keeping spirits up and being creative during this strike!! they rock! check out the website and watch the cool videos being done by James and Darcy! www.cupe391.org) - and an opportunity to see Circus in Flames again! this is significant to my 10 years in vancouver as the first time I saw them was shortly after moving here! great local band, lots of fun...too bad my head hurt too badly to dance...

because that was the same day I smashed my head on a concrete planter at Brit and am now suffering from another concussion...number 12 for those of you have lost track over the years ;)

so I still have positive energy (gonna take a while for the glow from our road trips, Saturna & great music we've seen recently to wear off of me) but now I can't think straight at all...brain is kinda spongy still!

potential light at the end of the tunnel...our unions are both at the table with the employer (city of vancouver) this week - will they actually 'talk'? will the cynics be right that we'll be out for a long time? or the hopeful ranks that think we might be back next week?...and a 'sold' sticker has been put on the sign on our lawn -who is the new owner? and what do they have in store for us?...so by the weekend I'll have another update on the work and home front.

one of these days we'll be settled in our home, be back on the job and I'll eventually start my job share (yay!), and our child care will be organized...and maybe then i'll have time to write about all the fun stuff again ;)

below are a few pics from my wonder-full getaway!

and if you have a moment I recommend you check out "the shift" and give yourself a positive boost too...doesn't everyone need it at this time of year? teehee


I met so many great people and had so many great moments...here are just a few highlights:

my road trip buddies: Megan, Judy and Bonnie...women weekend warriors! that is the Saturna Island ferry dock behind us :)


when you arrive on the island you see a sign "Deer - any road at any time"...very true. during the reception we even had a family of deer pass in the field behind the B&B - ridiculously romantic moment that reception...actually all of it!


first of all, this is ravenswood, the house where I stayed with 7 other fabu folks from all over the place. (this shot is from my tent...which I chose to sleep in having brought all the gear)

the wedding took place on the eastern most tip of the island...here are 3 of my housemates heading to the point: Teresa, Jackie and Judy (myself, Jackie and Judy were moms on the loose and had some good bonding and relaxation time together). they were visiting from New York, Nelson and Japan!

here comes the bride...cue the cello...and Elaine and Gord on top of the world together at the tip of the island :)




Gord with 3 more of my housemates: Karin & Ernst - married 50 years next fall and always the last to leave a party, and Patricia (their daughter and Elaine's close friend) who comes by being a wild child naturally...a family that was soooooooo much fun to hang out with! ;)


Javier, visiting from LA was a great character and just about one of the most thoughtful guys I've ever met!...and he got some pretty bad pics of me that I wish I could destroy - lol



some of my favorite ladies from Brit were there too! Here's me and Pat, my guitar mentor for songs of solidarity :)





me with Leslie and Tara...and can't forget Mary! are you relaxed yet? ;)




I know it's blurry...but don't these stars look familiar to some of you?! I taught Elaine how to make them (on the picket line) for her visionary ballroom design...can't believe I didn't think of using them for my own wedding!



Kathy...deep breath and moment of reflection before going home...and ready to take on the world again ;)